Ross O'Carroll-Kelly
The Irish Times
The weekly Ross o'Carroll-Kelly column in audio, read by Paul Howard.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Categories: Comedy
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Listen to the last episode:
I had my nightmare again last night, the one where I have a one-night stand with Taylor Swift and then I ghost the girl and she ends up writing 15 or 16 songs about me and they’re on the radio constantly. And – yeah, no – I woke up screaming.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Previous episodes
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507 - ‘You should be ashamed of yourselves! We’re old enough to be your parents and we’ve taken you to three sets!’Fri, 12 Apr 2024 - 0h
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506 - ‘If you play that match, Ross, our marriage is over’Mon, 08 Apr 2024 - 0h
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505 - ‘You are not having a hort attack! I’m not allowing it!’Fri, 29 Mar 2024 - 0h
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504 - ‘I didn’t play football for Rathnew. I didn’t play football for anyone. I resent the allegation’Fri, 22 Mar 2024 - 0h
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503 - Three European Cups, three Six Nations, one Grand Slam – but never winning a Leinster Schools Senior Cup clearly still rankles HeaslipFri, 15 Mar 2024 - 0h
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502 - ‘Don’t tell me I don’t know Ross O’Carroll-Kelly. You bullied me for most of secondary school’Fri, 08 Mar 2024 - 0h
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501 - ‘I haven’t cheated on you in, like, 10 years, though – well, let’s just say a long time’Fri, 01 Mar 2024 - 0h
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500 - Honor rubs at the graffiti with a dainty, circular motion, like she’s applying foundation to the face of an elderly loved oneFri, 23 Feb 2024 - 0h
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499 - Sorcha goes, ‘I don’t need a 26-old copy of Cosmopolitan to tell me that I married the wrong man’Fri, 16 Feb 2024 - 0h
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498 - Our daughter came out of the womb with two middle fingers raised to the world. That’s not down to usSat, 10 Feb 2024 - 0h
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497 - 'I’ve got my top off, and Réaltín’s looking at me like my old man turning his nose up at cheap steak'Fri, 02 Feb 2024 - 0h
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496 - ‘Honor O’Carroll-Kelly is not the victim. She is a highly intelligent young woman from a privileged background’Fri, 26 Jan 2024 - 0h
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495 - ‘How could the child of a mother who puts the mental into environmental action grow up with a moral compass?’Fri, 19 Jan 2024 - 0h
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494 - 'She’s hord work, my new padel portner. But the girl fascinates me. She’s like a female me'Mon, 15 Jan 2024 - 0h
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493 - ‘Ross, this was my sliding doors moment. And I made the wrong choice’Fri, 05 Jan 2024 - 0h
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492 - ‘The Leopardstown Races, eh, Ross? A great way to blow off the old cobwebs after Christmas!’Fri, 29 Dec 2023 - 0h
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491 - Honor is like, ‘There’s no chocolate Kimberleys left,’ and that’s when I end up suddenly losing my sh*tFri, 22 Dec 2023 - 0h
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490 - ‘Oh my God, is this really all the books that we own as a family? I’m so ashamed’Fri, 15 Dec 2023 - 0h
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489 - ‘You need to look up the difference between mincemeat and minced meat. Merry focking Christmas’Fri, 08 Dec 2023 - 0h
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488 - ‘I’ve never even cleaned up my own children’s vomit, I’m not mopping up after some randomer’Fri, 01 Dec 2023 - 0h
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487 - ‘Sneaking around behind my wife’s back is something I’m very, very good at, in fairness to me’Fri, 24 Nov 2023 - 0h
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486 - I wake up on Sunday morning thinking, am I having one of my famous erotic dreams?Fri, 17 Nov 2023 - 0h
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485 - Sorcha is like me before every Ireland squad announcement – in other words, focking delusionalFri, 10 Nov 2023 - 0h
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484 - ‘When I close my eyes at night, I can still see that bird’s horrible, leering face’Fri, 03 Nov 2023 - 0h
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483 - ‘Sorcha, I honestly don’t think we can just saunter in here like nothing has happened’Fri, 27 Oct 2023 - 0h
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482 - ‘Ross, this is all your fault, you sniggering halfwit - that daughter of yours has been going wrong since the day she was born’Fri, 27 Oct 2023 - 0h
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481 - ‘Ross, didn’t you get a present of an All Blacks jersey once and use it to wash the cor?’Fri, 13 Oct 2023 - 0h
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480 - ‘What does being Johnny Sexton’s hype man involve exactly, Dad?’Fri, 06 Oct 2023 - 0h
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479 - ‘I’ve never seen Sorcha so upset - and given my record as a husband, that’s a genuine achievement’Fri, 29 Sep 2023 - 0h
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478 - ‘Dad, you need to ask yourself what do you want to be – a rugby fan or a good father?’Fri, 22 Sep 2023 - 0h
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477 - Some things are more important than family. Rugby happens to be one of themTue, 19 Sep 2023 - 0h
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476 - ‘There’s no caps for your so-called matches against Mexico and, I don’t know, Guava Larva. I made the entire thing up’Fri, 08 Sep 2023 - 0h
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475 - ‘It turns out that every single vehicle in the Mount Anville cor pork has had its tyres done. Except one’Fri, 01 Sep 2023 - 0h
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474 - ‘A chap taught me how to hot-wire a cor this morning,’ the old man goesFri, 25 Aug 2023 - 0h
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473 - I’m no stranger to seeing my old man standing in the dock accused of serious crimesFri, 18 Aug 2023 - 0h
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472 - Camino Royale: the final exclusive excerpt from the new Ross O'Carroll-Kelly bookThu, 17 Aug 2023 - 0h
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471 - Camino Royale: the second exclusive excerpt from the new Ross O'Carroll-Kelly bookWed, 16 Aug 2023 - 0h
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470 - Camino Royale: an exclusive excerpt from the new Ross O’Carroll-Kelly bookTue, 15 Aug 2023 - 0h
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469 - ‘Honor, there has to be a better way of trying to save the planet than this’Sat, 12 Aug 2023 - 0h
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468 - Dude, you’re not allowed to just, like, shoot seagullsFri, 04 Aug 2023 - 0h
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467 - Father and son. From the same city. And we might as well be a donkey talking to a parrotFri, 28 Jul 2023 - 0h
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466 - ‘We caught the so-called SUV avenger tonight, in the actual act!’Fri, 14 Jul 2023 - 0h
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465 - People like us don’t get embarrassed. That’s how we’ve ended up where we are in lifeFri, 07 Jul 2023 - 0h
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464 - ‘What if the SUV Avenger turned out to be your daughter, Sorcha?’Fri, 30 Jun 2023 - 0h
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463 - The SUV Avenger has slashed the tyres on Sorcha’s corSat, 24 Jun 2023 - 0h
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462 - ‘Bloomsday is God’s way of telling middle class people they have too much time on their hands’Fri, 16 Jun 2023 - 0h
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461 - There’s nothing like the school sports day to get the old competitive juices flowingFri, 09 Jun 2023 - 0h
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460 - ‘I want to have – oh my God – everything done?’ Honor goes. ‘My chin, my nose, my forehead, my lips’Fri, 02 Jun 2023 - 0h
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459 - ‘What does Patrick Kielty have that I don’t?’ asks the old dearFri, 26 May 2023 - 0h
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458 - The old man is a focking embarrassment at rugby matchesSat, 20 May 2023 - 0h
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